So many decisions...

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Where do I go to school??? It's going to be hard moving away from my family after I graduate. I cried so hard when I packed up my car and left for orientation last fall, and North Greenville is only forty minutes from my house! I know I still have three years, but I have to make decisions now. I'm just trusting that God's plan for me is way better than my plans for myself so now I just need to figure out what He wants me to do.

Ode to My Toothbrush

This is a poem I wrote last year in my writing class. My mom found it today and I thought I would post it.

Ode to My Toothbrush

How I love my new toothbrush
It's blue and green and white
I use it at least twice a day
It makes my smile bright

I use  my toothbrush day and night
It gives me such a rush
I think about it all the time
How I love my new toothbrush

Blame Shifting

It is so easy for us to blame things on anyone or anything but ourselves. "My alarm clock didn't go off."..."I was riding with my friend and she made me late."..."She talked me into it." But the whole time, it's our fault. Well, more our responsibility. Even if we didn't mean for something to happen, like our alarm not going off, we still hold the responsibility for not making it to class. What about the times when we mess up and want to blame it on someone else? Why can't we just admit that we screwed up? Why is it so hard for us? This makes me think about Jesus. He willingly took the blame, my problem, and made it His. He really didn't do anything wrong. It really wasn't his fault or responsibility. But loved me enough to die for me. He stepped in front of me and took my punishment when He had done absolutely nothing wrong. It's so hard for us to take the blame for something we did wrong, on purpose or accidentally. How much harder, then, would it be to take the blame for something we didn't do. How about if we had never done anything wrong...ever? It's kind of crazy to think about.

What's my excuse?

At BSU on Thursday night, the speaker talked about worship. His message was about how worship is a choice and not a feeling. It's hard to worship when we're not in the mood or when we're tired or when we don't like the song choice. But since when is worship about us?! Worship is about giving praise to God, not about making us comfortable. The speaker shared with us about a man who was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. He told us that the man went to Afghanistan with his parents and at first wasn't too happy about it. But, because of his wheelchair, he had an amazing chance to share the gospel with a group of kids playing soccer. He got up on stage and shared with a group of people about his experience in Afghanistan. When he was done with the story he looked out at the crowd and said "You look at me in my wheelchair and feel sorry for me, but because of my wheelchair, I had an opportunity to share the gospel." Then he pointed into the crowd and said, "WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!" Pretty convicting, huh? God has used that story to challenge me to be bold in my faith. Because, seriously, why am I not sharing my faith? What's my excuse?

Pretending

You like to pretend, don't you?
Your game is to act.
To tell the truth is impossible.
You don't know fiction from fact.

You wonder why people don't believe you.
You wonder why they don't trust.
It's cause you're pretty shady.
Nothing about you is right or just.

Maybe next time you'll think twice
before your story is through.
But that's pretty much wishful thinking
cause you like to pretend, don't you?

Trust me, please.

Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, in my opinion. Now, I know it can be hard to take someone's word and believe them when it seems like they don't know what they're talking about. Ever think that maybe they do have a clue? That they actually do know what they're talking about? Ever think that maybe since that person has already gone through it, they understand?

Why is it so hard to just take my word for it? I'm promising you that it'll be worth your time to listen to me...

Why are we so blind? Our pride blinds us to the point that we can't hear either. 

I just want to scream in your face, "STAY AWAY! Please, just trust me on this one. I know what I'm talking about. You're going to want to stay far away." But my words aren't enough.

We can't hear because we always think we know best. We think that we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes we're wrong.

After all of the times I was hurt? After all of the times I cried until I couldn't breathe? You still don't believe me?

Sometimes, it's easier for us to believe lies than it is to believe the truth. "The truth hurts." It's true...Kind of goes back to the "Sometimes we're wrong." thing.

I'm not the only one trying to convince you. Carrie Underwood knows what she's talking about. "He gives you feelings that you don’t want to fight. You better run for your life...And you wanna believe, but you won’t be deceived if you listen to me and take my advice...Run, run away, don’t let him mess with your mind. He’ll tell you anything you want to hear. He’ll break your heart; it’s just a matter of time."

Why can't we just listen to our friends and family when they say "It's a bad idea." or "I wouldn't if I were you..."? It's their nice way of saying "DON'T!"

I understand. I understand. I understand. And in case you still don't believe me, I understand. I had a gut feeling, and I didn't listen. If I couldn't even listen to myself, how could I listen to anyone else? I understand.

But we think our situation is different. He's different. And we get mad when everyone is telling us to stay away. We don't want to hear it. He's changed. He's different this time. Is he?

I knew I was taking a chance. I knew that I could get hurt. But I didn't care. Everyone was nice about it...but I could tell they knew I was wrong. I knew I was wrong, deep down. 

We want to believe that we're the exception, like in "He's Just Not That Into You". We convince ourselves by saying stuff like, "He promised me forever". But how many girls has he promised that to?

I was selfish. I am selfish. I want what I want, when I want it. I loved him, but it was a selfish love, a self-serving love. It was messed up and twisted. I was wrong and God has changed me in more ways than one. He deserves my love, because He loves me with a perfect, irreversible, never-ending love, a love that I don't deserve. 

He convinced me. He was good at it, too. I believed him. But actions speak louder than words. I guess he forgot about that...

I am changed, because of Him.

He hasn't changed. 

Your Real Friends

I was thinking yesterday about who my real friends are. First, a real friend would always be there for you. I'm not talking about bailing on you once or twice. For example, you and your friend are supposed to go see a movie and your friend comes to you and says, "Hey, so this guy I really like just asked me out...any chance we could reschedule movie night?" In this situation, the first friend should say, "No problem! Let me know how the date goes!" If they truly are a good friend, they should understand. What I'm talking about is really being there for you and not bailing. For example, they should never go behind your back and do things they know would hurt you. Second, a real friend would trust you. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, in my opinion. Now, I know it can be hard to take someone's word and believe them when it seems like they don't know what they're talking about. Ever think that maybe they do have a clue, that they actually do know what they're talking about? Ever think that maybe since that person has already gone through it, they understand? Why is it so hard to just take my word for it? I'm promising you that it'll be worth your time to listen to me...

The Moon

I was kind of half asleep last night and I had a dream about the moon. So, today I was thinking about the moon and how it reflects the sun's light. In my dream, the moon was extremely bright, I guess because it was reflecting so much light from the sun. This made me think about how we, as Christians, should be reflecting God's son's light as well. In everything we do we set an example for others. Setting a good example is very important for Christians because our lives are a witness to others. God just kind of hit me with the reminder that, like the moon, what others see of us is a reflection of Him. Are we a bright, beautiful reflection of our Savior?

Coloring My Hair

I've been wanting to color my hair for a while now. So tonight I finally decided to do it. I went to Wal-Mart and literally took an hour trying to figure out which brand and shade to buy. After talking to two different friends about it, I finally bought the Clairol Natural Instincts light brown hair treatment. I drove home and tried it out on a strand of my hair. It was the same color as my natural hair color, so I drove back to Wal-Mart to exchange it. I ended up getting the medium brown color and I love it. It only took about thirty minutes and now my hair is just a shade or two darker than before. It was the first time I've ever colored my hair and I'm so glad I did. I can almost guarantee that it won't be the last time I color my hair!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

I was just thinking the other day about how much I love chocolate chip cookies. Not just any chocolate chip cookies though, I'm talking about the chocolate chip cookies that have just come out of the oven. The warm, gooey, melt-in-your-mouth chocolate chip cookies. Sitting down with a few of those cookies and a big glass of milk can make my day go from terrible to wonderful. I can't stand chocolate chip cookies that are crunchy and crumbly. Those kind of cookies are gross. It's those delicious, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that make me forget why I was even having a bad day in the first place.

Me or my body?

I was talking with a few of my friends the other day and the conversation we had was pretty interesting. My friend said that she had come to the conclusion that most guys only go out with a girl based on how she looks. She was extremely annoyed and wanted to share her opinion with the rest of us. I had to agree with her. Guys tend to look at hair, weight, teeth, body style, and just the face in general to decide whether or not they would date a girl. It made me think, does that guy want to date me because he likes who I am as a person? Or, does he want to date me because I'm skinny and have straight teeth? It hurts to think that I would only be wanted because of the way I look. What if I got in a car accident and my face was destroyed? Would he still want me? Does he really want me or my body?

It's call having faith...

I was sitting in the cafeteria one day and looked out at the mountains, except the mountains were hidden by fog and clouds. At first I was kind of sad because I really enjoy looking out at the mountains while I eat. But after a few minutes, God put this thought in my mind, just because I can't see the mountains doesn't mean they aren't there. The mountains are still just as big and beautiful as always, I just couldn't see them because of the fog. God reminded me that there will be days that I won't necessarily be able to see Him working or be able to understand Him. Just because I can't see Him doesn't mean that He isn't still there, it just means that I have to have faith.

Drama...

Oh, how drama can take over our lives. We get so carried away with the little comments, questions, looks, or texts that we forget our purpose in life. It's incredible how fast we can become upset at someone or become crazy about someone and forget about everything else. Why do we let little things take control? Why do we let little things make a difference. We shouldn't worry about petty conversations that don't really matter one way or the other. In the end, it's just drama and we need to get over it.

Why me?

"Like sunlight burning at midnight,
Making my life something so
Beautiful, Beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me,
All that I need
You are so 
Beautiful, Beautiful." 
-Francesca Battistelli 


Life gets crazy and we get distracted. It's hard to stay focused on God in such a busy world. We have to remind ourselves daily of how incredible God's love for us is and how it has changed our lives. Francesca's lyrics are amazing, and very true. He doesn't need us, but He wants us. He seeks us out makes something beautiful out of us. We are totally undeserving, but yet He wants us. We are pathetic, yet He uses us. It amazes me every time I think about it. How crazy is it that He could make something beautiful from my life? 

Setting an Example

I was riding in the car with my mom and little sister the other day when my 11 year old sister asked my mom if she went to a bar on her 21st birthday. My mom answered "no, I didn't". Savannah replied, "so you didn't go to a bar and drink when you turned 21?" Again, my mom said, "nope". It just kind of hit me right there as we were sitting in the car. The decisions I make today do not only effect the people I know right now, such as friends or little siblings, but they will also effect my children and even grandchildren one day. Kind of crazy to think about, you know? I want to set a good example for the people I know right now, but I also want to set a good example  for my own children one day.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

As I was lying in bed last night, I started thinking about my favorite things. There are so many things in life that I take for granted, little things that seem unimportant. Today I made a list of some of the things that I enjoy in life. I'm not finished with the list yet, but here are the top twenty-five:
1. Bare feet in my clean sheets
2. Blowing kisses
3. Smiling
4. The afternoon sun in my eyes
5. Laughing
6. Singing Loudly
7. Wind
8. Braids in my hair
9. The feeling of sand in between my toes
10. The smell of fresh cut grass
11. Dancing
12. Driving fast
13. Big, beautiful pianos just waiting to be played
14. The sound of waves crashing on the sand
15. Disney princess movies
16. Painting my nails
17. Sweet smelling perfume
18. The sound of little kids laughing
19. Chocolate chip cookies that have just come out of the oven with milk
20. Little, fluffy kittens
21. Soft, beautiful piano music
22. Warm air in the summer time
23. Falling asleep in the sun
24. Ice cold sweet tea
25. Talking with Jesus

How long do we have?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how we don't know when we're going to die. It's kind of a scary thought, not knowing. Like Francis Chan says in his book Crazy Love, we tend to live our lives like we're never going to die. Why do we act like our lives are just going to keep going? I could die in my sleep, or in a car accident on my way to church tomorrow. I want to live my life like today is my last. I want to spend every day telling the people I love that I love them. I don't want to hold tightly to my money and possessions. I want to enjoy the little things in life like ice cream, blowing kisses, smiling, laughing, sunsets, and wind. I tend to get so busy that I forget to enjoy life and the people I love. I don't know when I'm going to die, so I choose to spend each day like it's my very last.

"Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is gone.
The world keeps spinning on.
You're going, going gone.
Like sumemr break is gone,
Like saturday is gone.
Just trying to prove me wrong,
You pretend like your immortal."

-Switchfoot

Being Proud

So you're sitting in church and the pastor has just preached a message on salvation. We all know what is next; "Everyone bow your heads and close your eyes". Then, as you sit there with your eyes closed, he talks to those who aren't saved and tells them that God is calling them to salvation. Then he says, "If you want to be saved, please slip you hand into the air". That drives me crazy. Doesn't God call us to be radical and unashamed of him? Why do we try to hide our salvation from those around us? Why can't the pastor instead say, "If you want to be saved, please stand up right now and come up on stage and prove that you are willing to give your life to him, no matter how crazy you may look?" God calls us to do crazy things for him, so why would be start off our relationship with Him by hiding it from others?