So many decisions...

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Where do I go to school??? It's going to be hard moving away from my family after I graduate. I cried so hard when I packed up my car and left for orientation last fall, and North Greenville is only forty minutes from my house! I know I still have three years, but I have to make decisions now. I'm just trusting that God's plan for me is way better than my plans for myself so now I just need to figure out what He wants me to do.

Ode to My Toothbrush

This is a poem I wrote last year in my writing class. My mom found it today and I thought I would post it.

Ode to My Toothbrush

How I love my new toothbrush
It's blue and green and white
I use it at least twice a day
It makes my smile bright

I use  my toothbrush day and night
It gives me such a rush
I think about it all the time
How I love my new toothbrush

Blame Shifting

It is so easy for us to blame things on anyone or anything but ourselves. "My alarm clock didn't go off."..."I was riding with my friend and she made me late."..."She talked me into it." But the whole time, it's our fault. Well, more our responsibility. Even if we didn't mean for something to happen, like our alarm not going off, we still hold the responsibility for not making it to class. What about the times when we mess up and want to blame it on someone else? Why can't we just admit that we screwed up? Why is it so hard for us? This makes me think about Jesus. He willingly took the blame, my problem, and made it His. He really didn't do anything wrong. It really wasn't his fault or responsibility. But loved me enough to die for me. He stepped in front of me and took my punishment when He had done absolutely nothing wrong. It's so hard for us to take the blame for something we did wrong, on purpose or accidentally. How much harder, then, would it be to take the blame for something we didn't do. How about if we had never done anything wrong...ever? It's kind of crazy to think about.

What's my excuse?

At BSU on Thursday night, the speaker talked about worship. His message was about how worship is a choice and not a feeling. It's hard to worship when we're not in the mood or when we're tired or when we don't like the song choice. But since when is worship about us?! Worship is about giving praise to God, not about making us comfortable. The speaker shared with us about a man who was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. He told us that the man went to Afghanistan with his parents and at first wasn't too happy about it. But, because of his wheelchair, he had an amazing chance to share the gospel with a group of kids playing soccer. He got up on stage and shared with a group of people about his experience in Afghanistan. When he was done with the story he looked out at the crowd and said "You look at me in my wheelchair and feel sorry for me, but because of my wheelchair, I had an opportunity to share the gospel." Then he pointed into the crowd and said, "WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!" Pretty convicting, huh? God has used that story to challenge me to be bold in my faith. Because, seriously, why am I not sharing my faith? What's my excuse?

Pretending

You like to pretend, don't you?
Your game is to act.
To tell the truth is impossible.
You don't know fiction from fact.

You wonder why people don't believe you.
You wonder why they don't trust.
It's cause you're pretty shady.
Nothing about you is right or just.

Maybe next time you'll think twice
before your story is through.
But that's pretty much wishful thinking
cause you like to pretend, don't you?

Trust me, please.

Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, in my opinion. Now, I know it can be hard to take someone's word and believe them when it seems like they don't know what they're talking about. Ever think that maybe they do have a clue? That they actually do know what they're talking about? Ever think that maybe since that person has already gone through it, they understand?

Why is it so hard to just take my word for it? I'm promising you that it'll be worth your time to listen to me...

Why are we so blind? Our pride blinds us to the point that we can't hear either. 

I just want to scream in your face, "STAY AWAY! Please, just trust me on this one. I know what I'm talking about. You're going to want to stay far away." But my words aren't enough.

We can't hear because we always think we know best. We think that we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes we're wrong.

After all of the times I was hurt? After all of the times I cried until I couldn't breathe? You still don't believe me?

Sometimes, it's easier for us to believe lies than it is to believe the truth. "The truth hurts." It's true...Kind of goes back to the "Sometimes we're wrong." thing.

I'm not the only one trying to convince you. Carrie Underwood knows what she's talking about. "He gives you feelings that you don’t want to fight. You better run for your life...And you wanna believe, but you won’t be deceived if you listen to me and take my advice...Run, run away, don’t let him mess with your mind. He’ll tell you anything you want to hear. He’ll break your heart; it’s just a matter of time."

Why can't we just listen to our friends and family when they say "It's a bad idea." or "I wouldn't if I were you..."? It's their nice way of saying "DON'T!"

I understand. I understand. I understand. And in case you still don't believe me, I understand. I had a gut feeling, and I didn't listen. If I couldn't even listen to myself, how could I listen to anyone else? I understand.

But we think our situation is different. He's different. And we get mad when everyone is telling us to stay away. We don't want to hear it. He's changed. He's different this time. Is he?

I knew I was taking a chance. I knew that I could get hurt. But I didn't care. Everyone was nice about it...but I could tell they knew I was wrong. I knew I was wrong, deep down. 

We want to believe that we're the exception, like in "He's Just Not That Into You". We convince ourselves by saying stuff like, "He promised me forever". But how many girls has he promised that to?

I was selfish. I am selfish. I want what I want, when I want it. I loved him, but it was a selfish love, a self-serving love. It was messed up and twisted. I was wrong and God has changed me in more ways than one. He deserves my love, because He loves me with a perfect, irreversible, never-ending love, a love that I don't deserve. 

He convinced me. He was good at it, too. I believed him. But actions speak louder than words. I guess he forgot about that...

I am changed, because of Him.

He hasn't changed. 

Your Real Friends

I was thinking yesterday about who my real friends are. First, a real friend would always be there for you. I'm not talking about bailing on you once or twice. For example, you and your friend are supposed to go see a movie and your friend comes to you and says, "Hey, so this guy I really like just asked me out...any chance we could reschedule movie night?" In this situation, the first friend should say, "No problem! Let me know how the date goes!" If they truly are a good friend, they should understand. What I'm talking about is really being there for you and not bailing. For example, they should never go behind your back and do things they know would hurt you. Second, a real friend would trust you. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, in my opinion. Now, I know it can be hard to take someone's word and believe them when it seems like they don't know what they're talking about. Ever think that maybe they do have a clue, that they actually do know what they're talking about? Ever think that maybe since that person has already gone through it, they understand? Why is it so hard to just take my word for it? I'm promising you that it'll be worth your time to listen to me...